


We Can't Be Parabatai

by thatnerdemryn



Series: Em's Femslash February 2020 [12]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Episode: s03e22 All Good Things..., F/F, Femslash February, Love Confessions, POV Isabelle Lightwood, Parabatai Bond, Surprise Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:01:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22748236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatnerdemryn/pseuds/thatnerdemryn
Summary: Izzy's wants nothing more than to be Clary's parabatai, but she knows there's much more to it than that.
Relationships: Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood
Series: Em's Femslash February 2020 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621414
Comments: 9
Kudos: 55
Collections: Shadowhunters 2020 Femslash February





	We Can't Be Parabatai

Izzy slid the damp cloth across the blade in her hand, inspecting it for any additional damage. The weapons room was one place in the Institute that Izzy felt sure of herself. There was something calming about cleaning and organizing the deadly weapons her kind used to demolish the most dangerous creatures in the world. She heard the door open and glanced up from the blade, her heart skipping a beat when Clary walked in. She sauntered over to Izzy and sighed heavily. 

“So are you guys going to the wedding together?” Clary asked as she leaned her hip against the counter. Izzy tilted her head in question as she hung the blade in the cabinet. She turned back to see Clary spinning a different blade in her hand. “Simon told me that you, uh, kissed,” Clary explained as she licked the pad of her thumb and swiped it across the blade. Izzy gulped and nodded. 

“I think that’s the plan. I’d never be caught at a wedding without a date,” Izzy joked as she polished the leather grip of one of Alec’s bows. Clary nodded, her eyes boring into Izzy’s. Izzy tried to push aside the feeling it gave her. “What about you and Jace? Now that things are… better. You both can…” Izzy trailed off, realizing she really didn’t want to talk about the two as jealousy soared through her at the mere thought. 

“Magnus and Alec were never afraid to show the world how much they loved each other. So I plan on following in their footsteps,” Clary commented. Izzy couldn’t help but chuckle. It wasn’t hard for two straight shadowhunters to be in love, what would Clary have to be afraid of? Clary sighed again and took a step closer to Izzy. 

“What is it?” Izzy asked. She could practically feel the anxiety pulsing off of Clary and she didn’t know why. 

“Izzy, what you did, the courage that took. Going to Edom alone, risking your life to save Magnus, that was beyond heroic,” Clary said softly. Izzy felt her face heat at Clary’s words and scoffed lightly. 

“I could say the same thing about you. You saved my life, Clary.” Izzy gazed into Clary’s eyes and couldn’t ignore the nervousness she saw in them. “What's wrong?” Izzy asked as she took another step closer. Clary did the same and Izzy’s breath caught as they stood face to face. She could feel Clary's breath on her lips and it was all she had to resist the urge to step back. 

“I have a question for you. And you don't have to answer right away and if the answer is no, I promise I won't be offended,” Clary’s voice shook as she rambled and it trailed off at the end. Her eyes darting anywhere besides Izzy’s face so Izzy rested a hand in her shoulder to grab her attention. 

“What is it?” Izzy asked as she squeezed her shoulder. It was tense under her fingers and she thought she could feel Clary’s body trembling. “Okay, now you're getting me worried,” Izzy whispered as she moved her hand down Clary’s arm and laced their fingers together. Clary’s eyes finally connected with her and the fear in them had Izzy’s heartbeat quickening. 

“Isabelle, would you ever consider becoming my parabatai?” Izzy gasped softly, her hand letting go as she took a cautious step back. She saw the hurt in Clary’s eyes and it pierced something in her. 

“I— I can’t.  _ We _ can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to, to you. Or me,” Izzy stuttered. She reached her hands back and grabbed onto the counter to balance herself. Her legs suddenly felt like they couldn’t hold her weight and her stomach was flipping out of control. Clary stepped closer with an outstretched hand that Izzy ignored. 

“I don’t… I know that you don’t need a parabatai. I know that you’re perfectly fine without one. But we fit, Izzy. You know we fit.” Clary’s voice was pleading and the stabbing in Izzy’s heart amplified with each word. 

Izzy couldn’t begin to explain to Clary how wrong she was. It wasn’t that Izzy didn’t need a parabatai. In fact, she had wanted one ever since she witnessed Jace and Alec’s ceremony as children. She wasn’t perfectly fine without one. She wanted that bond with another, to be able to rely on someone other than herself on the front lines. 

But Izzy couldn’t begin to explain how right Clary was either. They did fit. The moment Izzy laid eyes on Clary on the infirmary bed, naked skin but one rune on her neck, she felt something click. Then Clary shot up out of her slumber and their heads collided and Izzy had never been so charmed. She had watched Clary grow into an incredible shadowhunter and an even more amazing woman. But they couldn’t be parabatai. They couldn’t be parabatai because Izzy was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, in love with Clary. And all Shadowhunters knew that parabatai could not be in love, one sided or not. Legends said that inescapable tragedies befall those who fall in love with their parabatai and Izzy would never risk that with Clary.

The silence was too long and neither of them knew what to say. Clary’s eyes searched hers and as much as Izzy tried to look away, she couldn’t. Clary was too beautiful and there was too much to be said to let her disappear without explanation. When Clary finally turned to leave, Izzy grabbed her forearm and pulled her back. Clary spun back and crashed into Izzy’s chest, their lips a breath apart and their hearts beating rapidly against their skin. 

“I always thought I never needed a parabatai and that I was at my best when I was on my own, but…” Izzy trailed off, her eyes darting from Clary’s eyes to her lips as she bit down on her bottom lip, trying to will the words to stay in her throat. But Clary was staring up at her, her brow furrowed and her lips pouted and Izzy couldn’t take it. She leaned down and pressed their foreheads together, her thumb running along Clary’s forearm. She closed her eyes and inhaled Clary’s scent, memorizing the aroma and the feeling of Clary’s warmth on her skin. 

“But what?” Clary’s voice chimed, a softness to it that had Izzy’s head hazy with love. Izzy pressed her lips to Clary’s forehead and started moving away, her fingertips brushing against the skin of Clary’s forearm gently. 

“We can’t be parabatai, Clary. I can’t…” Izzy shook her head as she turned and rested her palms on the counter. She felt Clary step up and her hand glided down Izzy’s arm, causing a chill to race up her spine. 

“You can’t what, Isabelle?” Clary’s breath was a whisper on her neck, her fingertips a ghost on her skin. She wanted to push Clary away, tell her that it didn’t matter, but… It did matter. She turned quickly and surged forward, pressing her lips against Clary’s before either of them could think twice about it. Clary gasped and Izzy froze for just a moment before realizing what she was doing. She pulled away and shook her head frantically, her eyes searching Clary’s. 

“I can’t be in love with you and be your parabatai,” Izzy admitted, her head hanging low. She hadn’t backed away, wanting to feel Clary’s body close to hers for as long as she could. The counter behind her was blocking any chance of escape if she wanted to take it. But the words were out in the open now, her feelings floating like a wall between them. And Clary just smiled. 

“I wanted you as my parabatai because, well, if I… If I couldn’t have you forever, I wanted to be sure I had you in the only other forever way I knew,” Clary confessed. Izzy felt like her heart was about to beat out of her chest as her entire body softened into Clary’s grip. 

“Forever?” Izzy asked. She held Clary’s face in her hands as Clary nodded, her smile lighting up her face. 

“Isabelle, would you ever consider becoming my girlfriend?” Instead of an answer, Izzy kissed her. But that was all the answer Clary needed. 

**Author's Note:**

> How it _should_ have happened if you ask me. Alternate title: Parabatai's in Love 
> 
> Feel free to shout at me on [Tumblr](https://archeryandeyeliner.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/thatnerdemilyj).
> 
> Please leave kudos if you like it and comment to make me smile.


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